one might say we're banned from that church
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
