don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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