I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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