He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
