why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
