She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
