we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
