I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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