I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
