It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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