Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
