So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
