i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I am spending my child support on dildos
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
