I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
