that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
