Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
