It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
