he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
