i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
