I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
is this the sara with the beer cane?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
