Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
