Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
