Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
