Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
