All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
