first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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