i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
