Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My ATM looks so different sober.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
