if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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