There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
