I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize
