She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
