I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
