I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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