i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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