Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i drank out of a bidet.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
