East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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