i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
