Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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