Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
