i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he thought i was a dude.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
