I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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