I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
