If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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