Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
