how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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