Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
