My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
