This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm getting married
To pizza
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
