I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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